it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
