I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
