i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
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is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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