the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
