I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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