but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
