Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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