I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
