I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
