I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
