The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
