Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
