At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
