No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
