My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
