and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
