Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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