you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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