Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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