So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
