Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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