im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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