Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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