I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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