Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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