is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
