Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
