Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
