That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
