btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
