i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
