hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
