the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize