I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
