there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
