Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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