I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
