Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
