he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
