Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
