I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
