My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
accomplished twins. life is a go
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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