The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This is classic penis vs brain.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
