omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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