pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
