So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
