That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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