he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
