Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
