Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
