would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
