HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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