She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
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So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
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my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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