I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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