It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
