I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
