my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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