fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize