it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
