Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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