I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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