Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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