He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Are my feet made of real feet?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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